


you will find me (in places that we've never been)

by challa (inflouence)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Bucky's POV, Gen, Self-Sacrificing Steve Rogers, Soul Stone (Marvel), Vormir, the friendship trio we deserved, the plan is the same
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 09:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18736768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inflouence/pseuds/challa
Summary: This was what it had come to, an argument over who would leave and who would stay. They all had their reasons, their own beliefs on who it should be. But in order to get the stone and bring everyone back someone had to make the first move.





	you will find me (in places that we've never been)

**Author's Note:**

> my take on what could've happened if sam and bucky had survived the snap and gone on the mission to retrieve the soul stone with steve, aka more endgame pain. this is unedited and far from my best work.

Bucky could remember being fascinated by flying cars once upon a time, the idea of the future and the unknown. Bucky remembered when his best friend was the latest scientific marvel. And now here he was, standing on the sand of a planet galaxies away, vibranium arm hanging on his left side.  

“Would it be wrong to call this ‘cool’?” he asked, squinting as he stared at the mountain off in the distance.

“Yes,” Sam answered at the same as Steve’s, “No.”

The two looked at each other and laughed. Bucky sent them a soft smile. “Noted.” The wind rustled his hair slightly as he let out a low whistle, taking in his surroundings. The planet was dark, with looming clouds and a deep sky of purples and pinks. Yet as captivating as the setting was it did nothing but leave a bad taste in Bucky’s mouth.

Sam extended his wings. He turned his head to look back at his friends. “How long do you think it’ll take to get up there?”

“Couple hours at most,” Steve replied. He strapped his shield onto his arm. “Better get going.”

The three began making their way through the hills of sand. Sam flew above Bucky and Steve, keeping their pace and a watchful eye. The mission was simple: get the soul stone, get back to the compound, no funny business. Under different circumstances maybe there would’ve been conversation, a couple of cracked jokes, Sam humming a song neither of the other two knew of, but as the mountain approached there wasn’t anything to say. The weight of their tremendous loss hung on their shoulders and urged them forward.

When they finally reached the bottom of the mountain, Sam landed on the ground and nodded his head upwards. “I’ll head up, scope around and see what I can find. You two don’t take too long.”

“You be careful,” Bucky said. He scrunched his nose as he looked upwards.

“Something wrong? Afraid of heights?” Sam asked.

Bucky chuckled, “You could say that.”

Sam gave Bucky a heavy pat on the shoulder and flew off. Steve was already a few paces ahead of him and he jogged a little to catch up.

The two began their ascent. Flurries of snow swirled around them, catching themselves on their clothing. The higher up they climbed the more the familiarity of the situation hung around them like the dark clouds in the sky. The last time they had been on a snowy mountain together, things hadn’t ended so well. Neither of them wanted to bring this up, however.

“Man, the younger me who used to read all those science fiction books is freaking out right now,” Bucky joked instead.

Steve made a face. “I always hated those books. They were boring.”

“They weren’t _boring_ , you were.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Steve said. His foot caught on some slipping rocks and he cursed, falling back. Bucky ran forward quickly and grabbed a hold of him.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he said, holding him steady.

Steve huffed. “Shit. Thanks Buck.” He kicked some loose rocks out of his path.

“Can’t have you dying on me so soon.” Bucky laughed and clapped a hand on Steve’s back.

They rounded a bend slowly. It was times like this when he was grateful for the super soldier serum as anyone else would’ve surely been out of breath from the climb. “Think we’re here,” he mumbled.

Sam was already waiting for them at the top, standing with his arms crossed. “Took you two long enough.”

“Hey, not everyone here can fly,” Steve grinned. He peered around the tall rocks. “See anything?” He raised his eyebrows.

“No,” Sam replied. “Just—”  

Before he could continue, a new voice joined them.“Welcome,” It called. The three immediately turned; Bucky and Sam both reached for their guns and pointed them at the direction of the stranger just as Steve raised his shield.

A floating figure appeared, cloak billowing in the shadows behind them. It paused before speaking again.  “Steven, son of Sarah. Samuel, son of Darlene. James, son of Winnifred.”

Bucky clutched onto his gun even tighter. “What the hell,” he whispered.

“You know us?” Steve asked. He didn’t lower his shield.

“Better than you may think,” the voice said.

Sam took a step forward but Bucky held out a protective arm to keep him back. Sam cocked his gun instead. “We’re here for the stone,” he demanded. “Then we’ll be on our way.”

“Then consider me a guide.” The mysterious figure spoke slowly, sending chills down Bucky’s spine. “To you, and to all who seek the soul stone.”

The fact that they couldn’t see this person’s face was unsettling. Bucky lowered his gun slightly, squinting as if it would help him make out the details hidden within the darkness of their hood. “Who the hell are you?” He asked, unsure if he would even get a straight answer.

“You could say,” the figure came forward from the shadows, “An old friend.”

Bucky took in a breath in recognition. “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“Red Skull,” Steve sputtered, his mouth agape.

Sam turned to them. “You know this guy?”

“Watched him peel his own face off in ‘42.” Bucky’s eyes didn’t move from the villain, his mind still reeling from what he was seeing.

“Okay,” Sam said slowly.

“How are you here?” Steve’s brows furrowed as he struggled to make sense of the situation. “I watched you—I saw you—”

The Red Skull cut him off. “My own journey for the stones has cursed me to this place,” he said. “To watch over the soul stone and guide others to a treasure I may never possess. A consequence from the universe.”

The mention of the stone reminded them of their mission once more. Steve straightened up, a hard look on his face. “Then show us where it is.”

“I am afraid it is not that simple.” The Red Skull floated forward, disappearing through the archway in front of them. It felt almost like an invitation. The three friends shared a look before following him hesitatingly.

Wind and snow blew in their faces as they stumbled across the top of the mountain. They stopped behind the Red Skull at the edge of a cliff. Bucky realized just how high they actually were. As he peered down he felt his stomach drop and quickly looked away.

“What you seek lies in front of you,” Red Skull said, “As does what you fear.”

Sam made a sound of disapproval, still looking at the jagged rock beneath them. “The stone’s down there.” He looked at Steve.

“Yes, for two of you. For the other…” the Red Skull trailed off before continuing, “In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange...a soul for a soul.”

  
  
  


It felt like they had been standing around for hours, yet in reality it may have only been ten minutes. Bucky could feel his insides churn, his palms sweating as the phrase repeated over and over in his head: _A soul for a soul. A soul for a soul._ He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. _A soul for a soul_.

Sam stood up abruptly from the rock he had previously been sat on. “Maybe he’s messing with us.” He started to pace. “I can fly down there and grab the stone. We’ll all go back, just like we promised.”

“Thanos left here with the stone, without Gamora,” Steve said, his voice hushed but calm. It was as if he hadn’t even heard Sam’s suggestion.

“I’ll fly down there, and—”

“No,” Bucky muttered, eyes still closed. “No, it doesn’t work that way.” When he opened his eyes again Sam was looking at him. Bucky sighed, “You heard Steve. Thanos must’ve sacrificed Gamora...we didn’t know.”

Sam clenched his jaw, visibly angry. “This is morbid,” he said.

“Whatever it takes,” Steve answered.

They were all quiet again, racking their brains for nonexistent answers. Bucky stared ahead, at the cliff, at the tired look permanently etched on Steve’s face, at Sam’s clenched fists. He stared ahead at a zipline, a train, heard the sound of screams—

“It’s gotta be me,”  he realized. He nodded his head in affirmation, “Yeah. Think it’s me.”

“No it doesn’t.” Steve looked almost disgusted by the thought. “Buck—”

“You think I’m gonna let either of you hurl yourselves over that thing?” Bucky scoffed, nodding his head towards the cliff. “Yeah right. Look, I’ve done some things. Haven’t been the same since I fell off that train all those years ago. Got a lot of blood on my hands and don’t think I’ll ever be able to wipe it off. Just let me do this, okay? Just let me do it so I can finally say I did some good in this world and we’ll call it even.”

Sam shook his head. “Don’t say that.” He frowned. “What the Winter Soldier did, it’s not you. _You_ are the one that’s helping to bring back billions of people, you’re the one that’s fought so hard just to keep standing. You’re not an option.”

“And you are?” Bucky stepped forward towards Sam. “You are?” He repeated.

“I’m standing here with the longest held prisoner of war and a guy that lost seventy years of his life to save everyone else’s.” Sam’s voice never faltered. “I’m looking at two people who already know suffering and sacrifice. I watched my friend Riley fall from the sky on a mission. Let _me_ do something. Please,” he begged.

The clang of a heavy object landing on the ground tore them away from each other. They stared at the red, white and blues of the shield, now discarded from where it had previously rested on Steve’s back. “Want you to have this,” Steve said cooly. “And for you guys to stop fighting.”

“No,” Bucky said. He reached out and wrapped a hand around Steve’s arm. “Pick it back up. I’ll let you guys get the stone, and you promise me you’ll bring everyone back.”

Steve shrugged Bucky’s hand off of him. “I can’t just stand here and watch one of you do this.”

“You’re Captain America,” Bucky choked out. “The world needs you, not me.”

“There can always be another Captain America.”

“But not another Steve,” Sam shot back.

Steve let out a deep and burdened sigh, one Bucky felt in his own chest. Everything went hush. This was what it had come to, an argument over who would leave and who would stay. They all had their reasons, their own beliefs on who it should be. But in order to get the stone and bring everyone back someone had to make the first move.

Bucky began to back away. “Don’t stop me.”

“Barnes,” Sam called.

“I said don’t stop me.” He turned, now facing the cliff. “Let me do this.”

He felt a push and then Sam’s knee was on his chest and a hand was on his shoulder, pinning him to the ground. “Like hell I will.”

Bucky grunted and flipped Sam over. “Damn it, Wilson.” The two scrambled to stand, staring each other down. “Damn it, I don’t want to hurt you.” He shook his head, “Don’t make me do it, you asshole.”

“Tell my family I love them,” Sam responded, and then he was racing towards the cliff. Bucky, now frustrated, reached for his friend and pushed him back with all of his force. Sam’s body slammed backwards and hit a wall of rock, making a horrible sound as the man crumpled and hissed.

“You tell them yourself,” Bucky whispered. Tears sprung to his eyes as he watched Sam struggle to get up. It looked as though his shoulder was hurt. The situation was all too familiar and it pained Bucky to see Sam like this, injured at Bucky’s own hands once more. Bucky let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Gasps left Sam’s mouth. “Steve,” he struggled to say, grimacing.

Everything was in slow motion. Steve was running at the cliff, and Bucky was _stupid_ , so stupid to think that this wasn’t exactly what he was going to do. The little guy from Brooklyn that was too dumb to run away from a fight; Bucky was following him, chasing him, needed to stop him from doing something irreversible. Steve leapt but not quickly enough. Bucky got there just in the nick of time, his left arm grazing Steve’s hand before grabbing a hold of it tightly and heaving the man upwards.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Bucky yelled, angry.

“Saving you,” Steve yelled back. He stole a glance at the pit below him. “Let go of me!”

“Fuck you,” Bucky replied. He was now laying over the cliff, struggling to pull Steve back up.

Steve’s weight was dragging the both of them down and then suddenly Bucky was falling over the edge, too. He yelped and grabbed at the rock with his right hand. The feeling from before they’d climbed the mountain washed over him once again, the déjà vu. As the snow fell and Bucky held onto Steve as tightly as possible he felt like he was reliving his nightmares all over again.

“If you’re not careful Sam’s gonna lose the both us,” Steve said with a breathy laugh, looking up at Bucky with big blue eyes. He didn’t even look afraid. “Don’t think the sacrifice works that way.”

“I can’t lose you.” Tears continued rolling down Bucky’s face. “Please.”

“You need to let go.”

“I can’t.”

Bucky’s fingers slipped. He looked up and then back down at Steve again. “My hands are getting tired, I’m gonna try to pull you back up.”

“Do me a favor and get that son of a bitch Thanos,” Steve was saying. “Make sure Sam gets the shield. Move on with your life, Buck. Get everything you’ve always deserved. And for God’s sake, tell Sam to stop drinking juice straight from the bottle. It’s disgusting.”

Their grip on each other was loosening. Bucky whimpered. “Think he’ll ever get the hang of that frisbee?”

“You’ll help him.” Steve was smiling. “You’ll help each other.”

The arm wasn’t going to hold out much longer. In that moment, the sense of dread finally settled on Bucky. It wasn’t painful anymore, now merely a numb feeling. He couldn’t tell if he was still crying, he was looking at Steve and Steve wasn’t crying but his eyes were wet, his mouth open and words escaping but nothing that Bucky could hear. _The train was moving quickly._ Was Sam calling for them? He had no idea. _“Grab my hand.”_ There was a ringing in his ears, a sob stuck in his throat.

“Hang on,” he heard himself say.

Steve’s fingers started to uncurl. “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Bucky’s head was pounding. “How can I?” He whispered. “You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

As their fingers let go of each other, and Steve fell, and Bucky watched, the numbness fell away. Now Bucky could feel everything, but the train kept on moving.

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter @challathor


End file.
